Queen Victoria had multiple mother issues. First, she had issues with her own mother. Later she had mother issues with each of her nine children. By all accounts, she was a loving and attentive parent. Official photographs and paintings of the Royal Family created an image of a devoted young husband and wife surrounded by their blissfully happy, obedient, beautiful children. Their Christmas celebrations set a standard we still attempt to meet.
But there was a darker side to Queen Victoria’s mother issues. By today’s supermom standards, she said a few things that would have made her a target among her friends and in the media. Yes, some of the things she said and did were a bit extreme, but she was always honest. Keep in mind; the poor woman was blessed with nine children. She was also widowed in her early forties after only 21 years of marriage. And did we mention she was also a working mom?
Were Queen Victoria’s mother issues more common than people want to admit? Was she merely stating what we sometimes think in secret but dare not say?
Mother Issue #1: She Exiled Her Own Mother
Queen Victoria was the only child of Edward, the duke of Kent and her German-born mother, Victoria Saxe-Sealfield-Coburg. Her father died when she was not yet one. Her single mother raised her, although Sir John Conroy heavily influenced her parenting decisions. He was Victoria’s mother’s advisor and rumored to be her lover.
Conroy convinced Victoria’s mother to raise little Victoria largely in isolation from other children and her father’s family. In our post, Did Cranky Queen Victoria Bring Joy Into Your Home, we discuss how she referred to her own childhood as rather melancholy.
When Victoria became Queen and moved into Buckingham Palace, she exiled her mother to a distant apartment and fired Sir John Conroy. It was not until her mother’s death in 1861 (just a few months before Albert died) that she read her mother’s papers.
In his book Queen Victoria: A Personal History, Christopher Hibbert says that it was only then that she realized her mother loved her deeply.
Mother Issue #2: She Loathed Pregnancy
According to historian Jane Ridley, Queen Victoria hated being pregnant. Despite that, she had nine children. She believed that multiple pregnancies made her more like a “rabbit or a guinea pig and not very nice.”
Pregnancy was difficult for all women in the Victorian Era. It was particularly hard on Queen Victoria’s petite frame. She suffered both physically and emotionally. She frequently endured long bouts of depression and anger after childbirth. The increasing burden of her motherly duties also forced her to increasingly relinquish her royal duties over time to Albert. While she loved her children, her diminished power disturbed her.
With all the downsides of having children, when her doctor suggested that she should stop having children, she would not consider his suggestion. To her, that would mean she could no longer have fun in bed with her beloved Albert.
Mother Issue #3: She Embraced Chloroform
By the time Queen Victoria was having her fourth child on April 7, 1853, she had discovered chloroform. According to the InsideSurgery Medical Information Blog, ether was being used in the United States in the late 1840s in Boston, Massachusetts and Hartford, Connecticut. Its use had become widespread enough that by 1847, British apothecaries were trying to sell it in England.
British physician James Snow had been experimenting with ether and chloroform as a method of reducing pain. Although he was not a highly successful or well known physician, he was summoned to Buckingham Palace in early April of 1853. Albert interviewed him for more than an hour about his relatively new technique and possible complications.
John Snow used chloroform to ease Queen Victoria through the birth of Prince Leopold. Once the accounts of the birth reached the public, John Snow became an overnight sensation in high demand by the social elite of London.
Mother Issue #4: Breastfeeding Disgusted Her
Queen Victoria particularly disliked breastfeeding. She called it animalistic and disgusting. She later discouraged her daughters from partaking in the practice. They disobeyed her and breastfed Queen Victoria’s grandchildren in secret.
Mother Issue #5: Babies Reminded Her Of Frogs
Yes, she said this, while many others only thought it. There was something about the awkward flailing, looseness of limbs and flexibility that reminded her of frogs.
Mother Issue #6: Not All Of Her Children Were Created Equal
She liked some of her children better than others. She was also a highly temperamental, volatile mother. The honor of being the most loved child and the curse of being the least loved often shifted with her moods.
Mother Issue #7: She Liked Bertie Least Of All
It seems that Bertie, Queen Victoria’s eldest son, was her least favorite child. Bertie was a disappointment to her from the very beginning. He never did well in his lessons, so his parents considered him stupid.
Queen Victoria once wrote, “Handsome I cannot think him, with that painfully small and narrow head, those immense features and total want of a chin.”
In her book, The Heir Apparent: A Life Of Edward VII, the Playboy Prince, Jane Ridley says that when Bertie was just 19, he went into training with the army in Ireland. After Albert learned that a prostitute had been smuggled into Bertie’s bed, he travelled to Ireland to discuss the “fall” personally with his son.
Shortly after that visit, Albert fell ill and died three weeks later. Queen Victoria, who went into life-long mourning, blamed Bertie for his father’s death.
Mother Issue #8: The Original Helicopter Mom
Queen Victoria might have been a bully and a maniacal tyrant, but she was not an indifferent mother. Long after her children grew up and left home, she had a nearly pathological need to control them. She created a network of spies – from nannies to neighbors to doctors – to keep her up-to-date on the daily lives of her children.
Mother Issue #9: She Was A Domestic Tyrant
Queen Victoria is dubbed a “domestic tyrant” in BBC TWO’s three-part series, Queen Victoria’s Children. The documentaries are based on actual photos, letters and diaries. “It is a story of manipulation, conflict, intimidation, emotional blackmail and fevered attempts by her children to escape the clutches of their domineering and needy mother.”
If these are not your own mother issues, maybe you have a mother-in-law? Or perhaps a friend or colleague who can relate?
Take A Quiz: I Am A Bad Mom If I Have…
Motherhood is as beautiful and challenging now as it was in the Victorian Era. For fun, check out the BabyCenter blog quiz: Am I a bad mom if I have… Here’s a sampling of the questions asked. We wonder how Queen Victoria would have answered these!
Am I a bad mom if I have…
- had an actual mommy tantrum
- drank wine before 5 o’clock
- counted down the hours until nap time/bedtime
- had a moment where I secretly wished I was still single and out dancing, if only for one night
Racing Nellie Bly
Victorian Secrets From Footnotes In History
Know The Past To Invent The Future
25 Responses
She sounds a bit like Scarlett O Hara, the only child she liked was Bonnie, although she may have loved her other two a little. She hated pregnancy as well, and was a bully if people would let her. Gotta love that Victoria!
Great observation! You make a fascinating comparison. I think what intrigues me most is that she was so human with all flaws and difficulties. But she was strong and remained such an important force. Like Scarlett, they never lose our interest.
Thank you for visiting and let me know if you have topics you’d like me to explore.
Agreed! What a lady. It sounds like you have spent some time with her. If you have more information, please share it. Or if you have topics you want us to research, we’re open. Thanks for visiting.
Maybe the Queen suffered from Postpartum Depression. She most likely needed medical and psychological treatments.
Absolutely. Astonishing how she remained such a powerhouse in spite of it all. Thanks for visiting and I hope you will let me know if there are topics you want me to explore.
It does seem so. Thanks for your observations about this amazingly complex woman. If you have more insights or topics to research, please let us know. And thanks for visiting.
Finally! A realistic up to date view of what most likely She went through, at a minimum, mental illness in all forms, along, w chemical imbalances need to be recognized and considered, along w how overwhelming her past and current life experiences effected, Her daily life’s ability to cope, rather than criticized.
Thank you. I couldn’t agree more. What an amazing, complex woman! And a trailblazer.
It’s amazing how strong she was. Growing up isolated, only in the company of adults. Having such enormous responsibility at such young age. Her grandfather was George III who also had a mental illness. King George III illness had to be kept a secret. Any monarch that has a serious mental illness is unfit to rule. Mental illness is not still an open topic or well understood, imagined on that time
Thank you for posting, Carla. I couldn’t agree more. Queen Victoria fascinates me. She was a bundle of contradictions–so layered. The more I know about her, the more her story grips me. I think we can learn a lot from her life. Please let me know if you have any interesting stories to tell about her. And thank you again.
Even with the problems she had, she was a good Mother. She had many shoes to fill, being Queen, wife and Mother.
Couldn’t agree more. She was her own person and didn’t back down from anyone. With all he flaws and quirks, she remains a role model. It would be so interesting to drop her into today’s world.
Thanks so much for your comment. Please let me know if you have any topics or people you would like me to explore.
Agreed! Thanks for your observations about this amazingly complex woman. If you have more insights or topics to research, please let us know. And thanks for visiting.
Had to look up Victoria know now, sad she only knew her mom loved her deeply after life happened. She could have treated her mom better and not been so mean.
Thanks for your observations. I could not agree more! Wisdom that comes “after life happened” as you so beautifully phrased this certainly is bitter sweet. Thank you for visiting. Please let me know if you have any topics you would like me to explore.
I recently watched ‘Young Victoria’ again, starring Emily Blunt. I enjoy all these sort of movies, as well as biographies & documentaries.
Some of these portrayed relationships really make you ask a lot of questions about how royal interactions & positions held come about, and how they endure or fail.
Your writing is fun to read, & interesting. Although, a couple of sentences in your observations may have been slightly slanted to forward the narrative.
For one example, you wrote:
“With all the downsides of having children, when her doctor suggested that she should stop having children, she would not consider his suggestion. To her, that would mean she could no longer have fun in bed with her beloved Albert.”
I’m sure that was simply meant to be humorous, because she certainly would have been quite adept at understanding her cycles & the ability to enjoy sex outside of becoming pregnant.
She definitely wanted to please her beloved & adored husband with as many children as possible. Although this deep desire wouldn’t be directly considered a mother issue, it would be the direct reason for the 9 mother-issues you outlined, thus actually becoming symptoms of her dedication to Albert. Maybe that’s it! Her kids were merely considered ‘symptoms’ of her total commitment to Albert & his happiness.
I wonder too, if there was some sort of subconscious drive – (which is almost always skewed and perverse in it’s vision) that bearing as many children as she could increase the possibility of rectifying her own childhood – at least one of these kids might end up perfect & perfectly happy . . .
but, alas, every family has some degree of disfunction . . . even royalty.
Thanks so much for this detailed response. You have wonderful insights. I couldn’t agree more. This was one of my earliest posts. Hopefully I have gained more depth over time. With your knowledge and writing ability, please let me know if you come across more interesting topics!
At the very least she Victoria was misinformed. At the most she was uninformed about many of the most important aspects of motherhood.
Too bad her mother and John Conroy had such tight grips on Victoria.
Thanks so much for your comment. Do you think a post on Conroy and Victoria’s mother might be of interest to readers? I’m also interested in her relationship with John Brown, attempts on her life and her retirement years. Such a complicated and layered person. If you have any suggestions please circle back. And thanks again for visiting.
Although overall, she was a good mother, she was definitely not perfect. I did not love the fact that she had favorites and that she bullied her children, but at least she loved them.
Agreed! She was imperfect and complicated. But she was also an amazing trailblazer! Thanks so much for commenting.
I hope everybody’s watching… Victoria… The television series on WTTW 11
…. It’s Splendid !
Thanks so much for the suggestion, Kim. I couldn’t agree more. Worth watching again. If you have any other shows to suggest, please do!
I’m interested in learning more of the rogue of the Royal family, the Sailor Prince, HRH Prince Alfred, Duke of Edinburgh and Queen Victorias second son. In 1867 he was in command of HMS Galatea and circumnavigated the world with several stopovers. One occasion was his lengthy lay over in Melbourne at visit to the former Vice Regal Estate Toorak House at end of 1867. He planted the Heir and Spare, two largish English Royal Oak trees growing in our gardens. We affectionately have named them William and Harry. If in Melbourne visit Toorak House aka Swedish Church in Toorak, Melbourne to view these large living mementos from the Victorian era of Marvellous Melbourne!
Super interesting information! I’ll look into it further. Would love a picture of your trees. Check out our piece on Jacaranda trees. Many of the Victorian-era originals can still be seen.